I don't believe in the future. No really; I don't really understand it, but I live in the now. The actual now. I don't plan things for the future and the person who I remember being in the past doesn't exist and isn't really me.
Strange? Maybe; I'm going on holiday in two months time, but it doesn't feel real; I'm not excited I'm not organising things and I'm not worried about not having saved money to go.
I'm doing a cycling trip in late July, yet I can't motivate myself to train properly because my brain can't wrap itself around the concept that I'm actually going...it's like it's happening to someone else. This is why I don't have any money, I live now, if I have money now I spend it now, I can't save, I can't budget; I don't spend ridiculous amounts or anything, but I don't appreciate the fact that I might need more money later, I'll just deal with that when it happens.
This is a obviously a psychological thing, but I don't know what I need to do to get over it. I just don't know where to start.
Perhaps it stems from my belief that I don't really exist, the world doesn't exist and that my so called 'life' is the fever dream of a madman.
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